I’ve started the information search and organization for the current non-fiction project.  I keep reminding myself that this is likely a marathon and not a sprint, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to have it be over right now.


So I gave my word

So I gave my word

but I didn’t know,


I thought I knew

but it turned out


and it hurts


than I thought it would


but I gave my word.


I’ve been writing 2 to 3 hours a day on what looks to be a year-long project that may eventually involve both legal and law enforcement.  I’ve never done this type of research before and I find myself very hesitant to go forward, even though I feel thoroughly committed to the project on an emotional level.

I don’t think I’m afraid of the involvement of either the law or legal. I’ve had friends in both fields over the years and have a fair idea of how they function and what will need to be best practices when I deal with them. But I know that when I turn over my physical evidence and the research backing the findings, it will take at least a portion of the control of the project out of my hands and I’m not sure what I will need to do to keep up momentum without complete control.  And if that loss of control will make me more, or less vulnerable, given the nature of the project.

I don’t like loss of control.  This project carries some risk, although I’ve mitigated as much as I can, and I’m seriously taking a moment to step back mentally and try to view the project from a greater distance.

Normally I’d talk to someone about the project and its consequences.  But the people I would have used as sounding boards are all gone now and I don’t have anyone near to me who isn’t too personally involved with me to give objective feedback.

So here’s to sending a flare up into the universe and asking for an assist down here.  Any rational beings out there with an understanding of risk and risk abatement, criminal behavior(s) and legal processes who wants to have a chat?  I’ll buy the coffee.

Haiku genesis

Raw material:

I could not shout

loudly enough over the pouring rain

for you to hear my heart


No matter how loudly

I shouted, you could not

hear my heart over the pouring rain


I shouted so loud

but you could not hear

my heart over the pouring rain


no matter how loud

you could not hear my heart

shouting over the downpour


my voice is gone now

shouting over the downpour

you could not hear my heart


I call out to you

shouting above the downpour

still, my heart unheard